I have been in 10+ weddings, walked countless roommates through some of the funniest and hardest times of relationships, and have been called upon for advice on how to handle the emotional triggers and turmoil of being newly married – but not yet been married myself. The saying “Always a bridesmaid, never the bride” rings true to me. But wait, I’m a dude! Aren’t I supposed to want to be single and not have to worry about these things? Live out wanderlust, see the world and be messy? The thing is, that has been the furthest thing from my desire.
It’s been five years since graduating college and I have been in numerous weddings and attended even more all while carrying my own desire to also be married, have a God glorifying marriage of my own, and be lucky enough to be a father to a handful of children. However, I am now on roommates 12 and 13 since college. Eight of the 11 previous roommates are married and the other three are in serious relationships moving towards marriage, Lord willing. There are times that pride overwhelmed my heart, telling people I would be married and have at least one kid by 25. Now at 26, living with two other single guys, that dream hasn’t quite worked out. There have been tearful nights of not understanding the Lord’s timing and why I have been called to wait while I stood by so many friends who were not called to do same.
Through these ups and downs, the Holy Spirit has continually reminded me of one truth: God is Sovereign.
During these times of not understanding and seeing myself put a relationship, marriage or the thought of having children on the throne of my heart, I have been reminded of the book of James.
“Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.” James 4:13-17
My desire was to be in control of all the aspects and projections of life and that the Lord would do as I said. Yet who am I? My life is a mist in the span of eternity and the glory that is the Lord. How can I tell the Creator of the universe that I had a better plan? But yet this is what I did, time and time again.
Through these times of rebellion to the Lord’s sovereignty, I have seen that His ordinance, His mercy and grace, His plans are much better for my life than the feeble and selfish plans I make for myself. It can be so easy and tempting to think the white knuckled control of our lives, relationships, families, parenting, careers… (the list goes on and on) is the best way. I urge you, as I constantly do to myself, to rest in the Lord and know that He is good, sovereign and most importantly enough for you in all things this world may throw your way.
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9